Ten things you should relish before having children

1. Having a lie-in. Once you have children you’re unlikely to have one together for about 15 years.

2. Going to the toilet alone. Children gravitate to the toilet if they sense an adult is enjoying a moment in there alone. They want to be as close to you and the toilet as possible which is not usually a great idea BECAUSE YOU’RE GOING TO THE TOILET!

3. Enjoying breakfast or lunch or dinner without someone saying “Mummy can I have some Ribena please”, just as you’ve sat down or “Mummy this is DISGUSTING, I want fish fingers.”

4. Having a shower without someone screaming in the background, or even managing to have a shower at all when you have a baby.

5. Being able to go out for an impromptu drink.

6. Sleep. Ahh my long-lost friend, how I miss you… Even when you no longer have a baby, it’s likely at least one of the kids will wake up after having a nightmare/accident/illness.

7. Wearing clothes that don’t have, sick, spit, bogies, Weetabix/unknown beige mush or tomato sauce on them.

8. Not having to watch or listen to children’s telly which seems to always be on somewhere.

9. Ironing without the fear of permanently disfiguring a small person going through a “pulling” phase, who decides that under the ironing board next to the iron cord is where they most want to sit.

10. Sunbathing/reading/relaxing on holiday for longer than 5 minutes at a time.

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